Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Knot Ready

Four weeks until my 25th birthday and four of my closest friends are engaged to be married.

While all of these couples seem to make perfect, blissful marital sense, I can't help but feel like it's all happening too soon. Wasn't it just last week that we were trotting Barbie and Ken down the aisle, daydreaming that we would also wear sparkling magenta tulle and side ponytails on our big days?

At my close girlfriend's bridal shower Sunday, there were moments when I felt a little like an imposter. Sitting there, overeating mini-blocks of Cheddar cheese and pita chips, oohing and awing toaster ovens and salad tongs, my mind kept getting stuck on the word "wife." My Mom and her friends are wives. My oldest sister, married five years ago, is kind of a wife. I'm not.

Wives don't live in shoebox apartments without closets. (I hang my clothing on a rack built into the corner of my room.) Wives don't have a drawer full of mismatched socks. Wives probably don't eat cereal for dinner on a regular basis.

Forget wife. Most days, I'm still trying to figure out woman.

Yet, while it's true that most of me can't fathom a wedding and marriage now, I wouldn't be shocked if life changed my tune in the next few years. There's no doubt in my mind that feeling like a wife has a lot to do with being with a man who feels like a husband. At age 24 or 64, marriage is what you both make it together. I suppose that can start in a shoebox apartment...just not mine...not yet.


  1. One day, in the very distant future, I will rock that side ponytail.

    (Loved this post. There's really so much to say on the subject. ::sigh::)

  2. This is exactly how I feel, except I would not be able to articulate it like you do. Wait until they start making babies.