Sunday, December 4, 2011

blah blog

"So, do you think you'll blog tonight?" my boyfriend asked casually over dinner.

I was mid-chew through an awkwardly large piece of spicy tuna roll. I'm glad my mouth was too full to answer.

He was off to watch football with some friends after dinner. I had big plans to melt into a couch while watching some pathetic Kardashian Real Housewives Say Yes to the Dress marathon. It was Sunday night, after all.

A year ago, it felt wrong to take a few days off blogging. Lately I can hardly burp up one post per season.

I dipped another roll in soy sauce. He asked why I haven't put a post up in a while.

Without thinking too much about it I blurted out an explanation even I wasn't expecting.

"I guess it was a single gal's blog."

Gag me with a chopstick.

I hated the answer so much I forced a laugh after I said it to make it sound like sarcasm. He went back to his sushi. I changed the subject.

Back home alone after dinner not even the Real Housewives of Atlanta could distract me from the stomach turning truth.

I started Orange to Apple a few years ago, literally days after a 4-year relationship had ended abruptly. It was that tricky period in the wake of heartbreak when those 20 minutes before falling asleep at night are terrifying. I tucked myself in with my laptop. Instead of saying goodnight to him, I would write posts about what I had for dinner. Instead of telling him about my day, I published it for friends and friends of friends and eventually some strangers to read.

When I started dating again, I made a rule that I couldn't post about guys while I was actively seeing them. I could only make reference to my romantic interests after things fizzled out (as they seemed to do for a while). I can distinctly remember faking a stomach ache on a bad date so I could run home to write the blog post.

Sometimes after posting more personal experiences or intimate thoughts, I would get Facebook messages from readers letting me know they could relate or that they had forwarded my link to their little sister or coworkers. It felt good.

Then Jon came along- one that hasn't fizzled out. As things progressed with him blogging fell out of my routine. Not that it's his fault. There's certainly time for blogging, and I'm sure there are things worth blogging. But I guess I don't need Orange to Apple like I used to. I have him.

Single girl's blog? Yuck.

I need to make up with my blog.