Sunday, April 25, 2010

Make Me Wanna Shoop

Lucky for Google-obsessed New Yorkers like me, just about every location worth patronizing in this city offers published online reviews. Be it a restaurant, bar, clothing store, dry cleaner or random deli that serves delicious paninis after midnight, if you Google there is usually a detailed, relatively trustworthy collection of reviews to guide your decisions.

Before my dentist appointment Saturday afternoon (which I booked after finding an online coupon through I decided to do some research. Truth is, I've always despised going to the dentist so I was half hoping to find a scary please-don't-go review to justify a last minute cancellation. Instead it was all positive. The brief online search prepared me for a trendy Tribeca "dental spa" decorated in flat screen TVs and funky white scoop chairs. It mentioned their "environmentally-friendly paperless check-in." (You're handed a laptop and asked to click through the paperwork online. Pretty impressive.) The review even described a perky, helpful receptionist. All true.

What it failed to mention is that my dental hygienist would be an undeniably attractive, tall, built, oh-so-smooth black man. He had an easy white smile and velvety deep voice that made "you're not flossing as often as you should," sound like a come on. (It wasn't.)

I usually go for skinny, white (and what's the opposite of smooth), but I have had three notable crushes on black men: Chris Leak (delicious Gator football quarterback pictured below), Lenny Kravtiz (when he drops that towel in that video) and Pharrell (Who doesn't?).

Add dimple-faced dental hygienist who's name I don't remember.

I laughed too hard at his jokes. The spit sucker almost fell out.

I tried unsuccessfully not to drool. My old orthodontist used to call my mouth a swimming pool.

No cavities. He wasn't impressed.

After a minty orange cleaning (a rancid flavor combination I've never understood) and a request to swish that disgusting post-exam bitter mouthwash for two full minutes, I hated him anyway.

At this point, after two attractive doctor encounters in the city (see the March post "Laundry Day"), I think it's safe to assume that every physician in New York is a looker.

Or maybe I just have a thing for doctors.


  1. My dentist is cute too! Which makes going such a nightmare. I need an ugly dentist so when he says I have a cavity from eating too many Cadbury eggs and not flossing, I can think, "Yea well you're ugly."

  2. one of Mary's friend's randomly picked up and moved to NYC, d/n know too many ppl. During her first week she was moving furniture and something fell on her nose, and it broke. She goes to a plastic surgeon, he's hot, they fall in love and have been dating for over a year! I guess all docs in NYC are hotties! haha