25 is a tricky age.
I'm definitely not "old" but in a lot of ways I'm not all that young anymore.
It's this sometimes frustrating limbo between carefree youth and not-so-carefree adulthood that makes decisions tough. If I date this guy, take this job, move to this city, how much weight will it have on how my life unfolds? Will it mean nothing, everything?
Should you date someone who's probably not the "one" or work a job you couldn't really see yourself in 5 or 10 years down the line? My gut tells me I'm too young to worry about it, but is it healthy to not even have the slightest clue what's in store?
Sorry, blog readers, for the barrage of "dear diary" rhetorical questions. I'm not really in crisis. Most days, I'm perfectly content where I am: on no specific track.
When I moved to New York a couple years ago I vowed to make this period of my life strictly about compiling worthwhile experiences and meeting worthwhile people. I had no agenda. I just wanted life to get interesting. So far, so successful. But my ducks are nowhere near in row.
Most days I'm comforted by this uncertainty, the idea that anything and anyone is still possible. But lately, while coaching a few friends through rough patches, the realization has bubbled up some nerves.
The everyday novelty of life in this city is exhilarating. Whether it's the opportunity to meet the President of the United States at just another Tuesday night on the job (blog post to follow) or simply watching a man drum an unbelievable beat into the bottom of a plastic bucket on a subway platform, it's a city that keeps me on my toes.
But, at the same time, the whirling pace, changing scenery and friends who seem to come and go often leaves me aching for depth, substance and intimacy. It seems harder to find here than anywhere else.
I'm happy for now, still determined and excited to chomp this apple to its core. But, I'm also determined to never lose myself in the shuffle.
I'm still game, New York.
Photo by Joseph O. Holmes of 20x200.com
the best is yet to come. ;)
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say that I enjoy your blog a bunch, even though I never have commented before.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I believe that people worry too much about such things. "Is he the 'one'?" "Am I making the 'right' choices?" "Should I be getting my life 'in gear'?"
The people who ponder these things enough to actually engage in behavior to answer the questions almost never are happy, well-developed human beings. Life is nothing if not ironic. Life is like "rain on your wedding day."
(So, yeah. That's an old family joke about things that aren't, in fact, ironic. Umh, yeah. You had to be there.)
The truth is that 'the one' will just happen. Almost certainly, you won't even know in the beginning that he is, in fact, 'the one.' You'll just wake up and realize it one day. Sorry, the movies aren't actually real life. You won't see him "across a crowded room" and suddenly know he's the person you've been looking for - no matter how lovely Perry Como sounds when he sings those lyrics. ("Some Enchanted Evening")
As for jobs, who can say what the 'right' job really is? When I simply worked for a living, and found my fulfillment outside of work, I dreamed of a job that 'fulfilled' me. Now, that I have had a job for quite some time that 'fulfills' me, I often long for work that simply pays the bills so I can find time to do other things that 'fulfill' me.
Do you see?
I am rooting for you, Vanessa Garcia, as always!
I too wondered some of the same questions when I was 25, Banessa. Your gut is right about not worrying about if he's "the one" right away or working a job that you like, but you won't be at in 10 years. I was still in Gainesville (and hungover from a night at Nelly's) when I turned 25. There weren't nearly the amount of opportunities for personal growth and relationships that you are afforded in NYC. It took me over 3 years and a lot of women who clearly weren't "the one" to realize that. Your fascination with NYC reminds me of my own feelings when I moved to DC.
ReplyDeleteHappiness begets happiness. Decide to be happy and surround yourself with those who are. "The one" will find you.
And then life throws you curveballs sometimes...
ReplyDeleteHonestly, thank God for you in this city.
I owe you a kidney or something.
great post! Just go with the flow, everyone's life is different, there is no right or wrong path, just have fun, surround yourself with happy people that you love and trust, be responsible, and try to keep your goals and priorities straight.
ReplyDelete